Hi everyone, this is a very serious matter and I really need your help on this. (I know this is quite long but please bare with me)

I found out that I am a bisexual 2-3yrs ago and lately I've just realized that I've fallen in love with my own bestfriend! We've known each other for more than 7yrs now (since highschool) and I've always treated her as a sister of mine.

Her boyfriend, her, my cousin, and I (4 of us) always hang out together after every 3-4 days, but every time I see her and her boyfriend together, I feel very painful inside, my heart aches, and feel very uncomfortable being around them. Lately, I tried to avoid seeing her and hoping that I can somehow forget her, but I kept having images of her appearing in my head. This is so hard. I'm so puzzled right now. I've never had this experience before where my mind is always thinking of that 1 person. I don't fall in love that easily and I believe that when I do, I'll do anything to make that person happy. yeah I'm that type of person.

In the past, I've always treated her as a normal, close friend, nothing else special, but after the day that she moved in to live with me and my cousin in the same house 5months ago, we eventually got even more bonded. She and I share the same bed and we talk a lot at night. Just last week, I finally told her that I was a bi (but i didn't tell her that i like her though), and she said that she doesn't mind and accepted who I am. That was a relief for me and I was surprised that she wasn't all grossed out. But now, it's even harder seeing her and every time I see her and her bf together, i have to act harder to pretend that there's nothing going on. I'm so frustrated right now. I don't want to see her but I HAVE to see her.

There were several times that I told her that I want to move out to live in another country by myself, but she told me to bring her along with me, that I am very important to her, and that she can't live w/o me. What should I do now? I know for a fact that she's straight because she's really into guys. I also cannot admit that I like her even though she attempted to get something out of me several times. Also, she has been with her bf for more than 4yrs now and I know that she can never let go off that relationship (she finds her bf very boring but she cannot let go of him). So what should I do now???? I want to forget her but I can't.


ps: I think she probably knows that I like her (not 100% sure though)

tyuenp: đọc tiếng Viet được hong?

Vy góp ý từ phía 1 người con gái bình thường thôi nhé. Vy chưa bao giờ sống chung với ai, Vy ít tiếp xúc với người Việt , cũng rất hiếm khi đi chơi bên ngoài với bạn Vietnam, Nhưng Vy nghĩ, bạn gái với gái hoặc trai với trai nó sẽ có một giới hạn nào đó. Nếu mà vượt qu'a mức cho phép , thì người không bịnh sẽ nhận ra ngay.

Vy muốn biết tại sao bạn gái của tuyenp hong ở với cha mẹ / bà con mà ở tuyenp?

Khi xưa "bạn gái" ở với ai , và tại sao cô vào ở với tuyenp?

"Bạn gái " có biết tuyenp đang yêu cô ta hay không?

Nếu hong biết , tuyenp nên nói "bạn gái" ra ngoài ở việc này rất dễ. nếu tuyenp lo cô ta hong có tiền trả tiền nhà , nhưng cô ta còn có bạn trai mà , bạn trai cô sẽ giúp cô về vấn đề này. tuyenp không cân phải dọn đi đâu cả. Nếu dọn thì dọn sang tiểu bang khác. Làm sao dọn ra khỏi nước được , giấy tờ rắc rối.

Nếu cô ta biết tuyenp là les mà còn ở chung , thì tuyenp nên xét lại.

Việc ngủ chung giường sẽ là một chuyện rắc rối đó, càng ở chung lâu bao nhiêu thì tình cảm sẽ nâng bấy nhiêu.

Bây giờ Tuyenp còn hiểu được mình là ai và đang làm gì , nên mới mang câu chuyện này lên cho các bạn cùng khuyên. Chứ để lâu sau này coi bộ khó lắm đó. Chúc bạn may mắn nha.
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Vy có 1 câu chuyện thật kể cho tuyenp nghe nha :
Nơi Vy làm có ông kia rất là đàn ông , tự nhiên một hôm nghe đám bạn xì xào là ổng "gay " , Vy hết hồn. Vì văn phòng của ổng đối diện với Vy. Sau hai tuần ổng đòi dùng ladies restroom. Vì bên gentle men hong có ai cho ổng dùng hết. Ổng tức quá đòi đi kiện , nhưng trước khi đưa ra legal , ổng mang chuyện ổng nói lên cấp cao nhất. Ông boss hong muốn rầy rà , nên ổng ký cái lệnh bắt tụi nữ này cho ông gay dùng chung. Tụi nữ ở đây cũng chẳng vừa , họ yêu cầu ông gay phải gắn cái "flashlight" or "something " on the door khi ổng dùng , để báo hiệu tụi nữ này hong vô. Nhưng thỉnh thoảng ổng làm , thỉnh thoảng lại không.

CÓ một hôm Vy sớn sác chạy vô , gặp ổng ở trong đó , Vy mặt mày tái xanh , hong dám nhìn ổng. Vy Lúng túng chạy ra ngoài một mạch , tim đập thùng thùng.

Name plate của ổng khi xưa là Bobb M. bây giờ là Betty M. , nhưng ai đó đã làm sẵn cái name plate "Bobb M." in pink and flowers around it , cứ khoảng 9:00 AM - 6:00 PM thì thấy "Betty M " in black & white , 6:00 PM to 9:00AM thì display "Bobb M." in pink . Vy thinks it is a pain for him.
CHuyện còn rất dài..........

Đối với "ổng" , nam hong bắt tay , nữ hong chào. "Ổng" ở trong sở như một "bóng ma".

Whoa Vy, what a story & an exellent example there.

I'm not sure whether you could understand VN or not so I'll just stick with English then. I agree with Vy that you should stop this living together with her now, at least for a while, especially sharing the same bed, etc. that must be a torture for you. A very close female friend (also bi) of my sister (straight) was in love with her too, but this friend had already came out of the closet. It was very hard for both of them when my sisster came to visit her - livng at her place for a whole week. Later on they talked about it and kept a good boundary with each other, remaining good friends just like before.

A year later my sis and her bf moved in together, and soon after this friend came to share an extra room with them too. The difference is that this friend has now met her girlfriend and they both are very happy together. I guess what I'm trying convey here is that just keep a healthy boundary between you and your friend, and one day you WILL meet someone who you can share your love and feelings with w/o any frustration/guilt like now.

Good luck and hope everything turns out well for you !!!

Thank you for giving me such great feedbacks Vy and Visao143!! I really appreciated it!

Uhm....mình hiểu tiếng Việt và củng hiểu Vy đang viết gì. Tại mình tháy muốn express my feelings bàng cách viết tiếng Anh dể hơn.

To be honest, even though I’ve been raised up in a Western culture, I am very traditional (my thoughts and actions are based upon the Vietnamese values and beliefs). Therefore, I always set a strict boundary between her and I, because I understand that I can never have her as my gf. Not only that, I also keep a boundary between my other friends (girls) because I know that friends are just friends (like I said earlier that I don’t fall in love that easily and when I do, I respect them and love them truly)

To answer your question Vy “Vy muốn biết tại sao bạn gái của tuyenp hong ở với cha mẹ / bà con mà ở tuyenp?”Her parents have just divorced and sold their house a few months ago therefore she doesn’t have a place to stay. She doesn’t want to live with her bf because she doesn’t want his family to look down on her for having to rely on him. Even though her bf is living by himself, she only wants to sleep over at his house 1-2 times a week. She likes spending time with me and my cousin (3 of us are bestfriends) more than spending time with her bf and that’s one of the reason why she wants to stay at my house. However, I am still living together with my parents but my parents don’t mind her staying.

To answer this question: "Bạn gái " có biết tuyenp đang yêu cô ta hay không?”
I’m not sure. I think she knows somewhat because she’s really good at looking at other people and know exactly “who likes who kinda thing”. Either she knows but denying it or she is “đang nghi” kinda thing or she doesn’t know it at all.

For your info about the moving out to another country question....
I wanted to move out to a different country because I’ve always wanted to live independently, far away from my family as possible. I wanted to prove that I can live independently, and not relying on anyone. I’m doing this mostly for myself and it has always been on my mind for a year now. However, I must agree with you that I am also using this as an escape route to not see her anymore.

tyuenp :

tình cờ Vy tìm được this info , bạn có thể nghe và gọi tới để chia sẻ , vì họ đều giống tuyenp đó. Vy nghĩ chắc đây là 1 sinh hoạt lành mạnh . CHúc may mắn nha.

Tuyenp,
TN think you gf knew who u r and I have feeling that she is somewhat bi too, she gave u all the hints already based on your post.
It is good to be independent, I love to see more Việt gals independent....Tuyenp can try to work for the Dept. of State, so u can travel oversea......
Wish u all the best......


Vy,
When did it happen to you when Bob/Betty was in the wc?, I think you get some $$$$$ coming if u sue the company because they already violated your right.....and all the woman there who used that same wc can qualify for class action lawsuit.....

I'm stil very puzzle right now because my bestfriend just broke up w/ her bf last week and I know she still misses him a lot but at the same time she's afraid to get back with him (they always get into a fight). She's not deeply in love with him, but he loves her a lot.

I know she's very sad and confused right now. I really want to help her feel better and get over this relationship. It's really painful for me to see her breaking off w/her bf 1 day and then gettin back together the next day. I truly want to forget her and move on but every time I see her, my heart ache and I can't think straight. When she breaks off with her bf and come live with me, she always act normal, but I know that deep inside, she really misses him.

As for me and her, I have dreamed that one day that she'll truly love me without worrying about what others think. But i know this is just a fantasy and it will never happen because I know that she's never into the idea of same-sex marriage. There's nothing I can do now besides letting her go and hoping that she'll find someone she truly loves. In the end, I just pray that she'll find happiness.

Her bestfriend

Tuyên mến,

Thật ra như bạn nói, nếu cô bạn Tuyên không có lòng thương mến bạn chắc sẽ không có ý nghĩ đi qua một nước nào khác để chung sống với bạn. Nếu bạn thật lòng thương cô ấy thì sao không take a chance to try out if you are part of her heart. N cũng không biết nhiều về bisexual nhưng biết có hai người nữ thương nhau và họ đã cưới nhau. Có một người đi giải phẩu để đóng vai trò nam giới và họ nhận con nuôi, có lẻ họ cũng muốn xã hội chấp nhận tình yêu họ như những đôi trai gái khác. Nếu bạn cảm thấy đau khổ thì hãy cho bản thân mình cơ hội giải toả để xem người kia có cùng mộng ước không. Nếu không phải thì tình bạn vẫn sẽ thắm thiết nếu đó là chân tình.

Nếu bạn ra đi sẽ mang gánh sầu riêng, rất nặng nề, vì thất vọng, bạn sẽ mệt mỏi lắm. Sao bạn không ngỏ lời để biết tình đó là chân hay giả? Hay thật ra chính bạn cũng không nỡ bỏ cuộc sống bình thường, trai lớn lấy vợ, gái lớn lấy chồng để hưởng thụ lạc thú thật sự cuả đời người!? Bạn có ba con đường để đi thì ráng tìm cho đúng con đường mình thật muốn đi. Nếu tìm ra được vui vẻ và hạnh phúc thì hãy cố lên !

go for what u believe in Tuyen