guys, all ur opinions r appreciated.
H n T are casual friends for along time. But a year ago, H showed T that he cared for T alot more than friends. H n T hung out n become closer "friends" for 4,, 5 months. T just got over nother relationship n wasnt ready fỏ anything else, so T just hung out wid H but never cross the line, or flirted or anything back. Meanwhile, H told T that he liked T, and asked T if T co thương H o? T kept quiet. H kept on caring n making time for T, was commited, n even took T home n everything. H asked T another time the smame question later one, but T nenver said anything back.
for some reason, gradually, they became less n less close. H doesnt seem to go after T anymore. but, they still remains friends n keeep in touch frequently. H doesnt know that T has already gradually fallen for him but didnt realize that until now. H still nice n being helpful to T whenvever he can, n call hoi tham T (we dont talk as often like back then but often enough). but just not as much, n as special as back then. now, there is nothing significant about oud friendship.
Should T tell H now bout the change n how she feel?? is it too late? (its beenen 5 months since H stops going after T) or should T just forget it,...maybe its too late right? maybe H doesnt like T the same way anymore n just wanna be back to good friends? T wish time can go back n T had doenne something or said something to him back then...but T couldnt fake how she felt.

in love, timing is everything.

my 2 cent

through out the entire time, H. was the one doing all the actions, and didn't get a concrete reply from T whether she liked him or not. I think maybe H. is at the point of moving on already. However, It's not too late to tell H. now that T. might have some feelings? if H. is still interested, maybe T. gets what she wants. If H. is not, then maybe T. shall learn to be clearer with other when it comes to love the next time?

goodluck sis. It's never too late to tell someone about your honest feelings regardless of what the outcome might be.

Tell him how T feels right now. If H still likes her, then congratulation. If not, they can still talk things out and maintain their friendship.

T doesnt even know hoow to bring that subject up anymore now that they're being comfortable again being just friends...any words of wisdom please?

Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what you have until it’s not there anymore. you’re story is similar to mine, except that I’m more relating to the guy side….hehehe….now that you know what you want and I’m pretty sure the guy is still like you in many ways. I’d say to be more direct and just ask him if he still want to give it a shot with u. It’s better to know than to wonder “what if”.

Dedicate this song to him...Good luck to you
From Sarah with love

"WOW"


I see myself as H when I was in vietnam.......

Yes T should tell H how she feel........

HOW DOES T know H stop going after her ??? No she just think so....

I stopped pay 110% care to the girl I love cuz couple of reason :

+ Pride
+ My life
+ I moved to US

My girl have not say that she love me yet but sometime she ask me do I still love her.... I am just like " ya ", and tired of saying " i love you"...

I still care about her alot even she live 7836429876498273659 miles away from me. LoL

If u ask me to call her everyday or weeks.... I would say " NO " cuz I have other thing to do even inside I still love her with all my heart but I do not feel like doing it the way I did before anymore




Theo tinh, tinh chay, bo tinh, tinh theo....<== or soemthing like that


My Viet font not working
Sorry

sparkling, thank you 4 the song, Its a beautiful sọng it speaks it all, if i have the courage to send it!!

kyovs, so is there anything the girl can do to win u back? what works and what would backfire??

uhm I still love that girl and she havent say yes to me yet -.-

And beside we live 38947935 miles away from each other.

No matter what is gonna be the ending but I think T should makes a move from this point...

T would not know whether H still likes her or not until she tries...

TELL HIM

If you tell him, your chance of being with him is 50%
If you don't tell him, your chance will remain a big fat ZERO

Good luck and regardless of what the outcome might be, no regrets and be happy

don''t tell him anything. Just act thing let him see u still care about him. If he relize that , he will go back after u. Good luck

Thank you everyone for ur helpful inputs and encouragment. we havent even seen each other for awhile due to bz lives so its kinda discouraging for me to do/say anything.....

if T tell H, n H doesnt feel the same anymore...would that break teh friendship?

Whatever you have with him now is not really "friendship" anymore. He liked you, asked you to be his gf. You rejected him. He hurts. He backed out from you to heal his wounds.

Now if you know you're into him, you should let him know. Just pick up the phone and tell him. "I got the answer to your question before. Yes, I thu*o*ng you. Does your offer still standing?" If talking to him is too hard, write an e-mail, IM, text,... (you kids have more tools now than we could ever wish for) and yes, you can use my line (no copyright fee apply ).

If tomorrow you walk into a restaurant and saw him sitting with a girl, holding hands, acting cozy, how would you feel? Would you still be able to hang out with him as "friends"? If your answer is yes, congrats, you're brave cause I can't myself. If it was me I'll stay as far as I could from him or anything that reminds me of him till my wounds heal.

Maybe he's doing the samething. The reason he keeps his distance is because he cares but get no response from you so he's tired, hurt, his ego's wounded and he needs to stay away from you to move on. Now, everything is speculation and you won't know until you tell him how you feel. Are you sure you want to risk your happiness of being with him for fear of losing the ...whatchamacallit ..."friendship" that is at this point ...not really a "friendship" anymore. How many times you guys talk or see each other now?

Just let him know how you feel in a honest and direct way (men response best to direct messages) and if he says ..."sorry, the offer is no longer standing" then you know and you can move on. It's hard to be "friends" with someone you fell in love with before. It's just hard. The moment he fell for you and ask you to be his girl, consider your "friendship" alter forever. It's extremely difficult to go back from there so don't force yourself and don't fool yourseld that you'll be "fine" seeing him with another girl. Real friends...have no trouble with that.

Don't expect yourself to be able to remain friends with him immediately afterward if he reject you. It takes sometime to heal a broken heart.

Tell the truth, expect the best but prepare for the worst outcome. If the worst happens, learn from it and be strong. That's how you develop your emotional maturity.

Good luck.

My god, what's wrong with me today? Why am I so ...nhie^`u chuye^.n ??

thank you for breaking things dowwn MDNQ It was a gooood analysis and your're dead-on right !! its not nhieu chuyen at all! ur response was so helpful to T :-)
H n T R falling apart from their supposedly "close" friendship (cónidering of the hx right?) , which at some point really dícouraged T from spilling things out (vs if they were still close and talking ) Now more time has passed since H asked T out, H prolly moved ỏn
but
after ủ guys's enouragements, T will try to do something about it Thank you sooo much for being so supportive and helping T out!
one more wondering
if u gúy used to like someone a lot, can that feeling start to grow again ì given opportuinty?? or is it like, once its gone, its gone?

Thank you for your kind words. I just realize I've been to this website since 2005 with only 11 posts , but I'm glad it helps you. Hopefully soon we'll hear some good news about H & T

To your wondering, feelings do fade and die, especially if the relationship is one-way. You can only do so much and try so hard and if the other party doesn't response, once you reach your end point, you'll have to walk to save yourself from further damages (and also save pride, especially for a guy).

How soon feelings die depends on how long it takes the person to recover (and this depends on various reason like the intensity of his feelings for you, the amount of time & effort he puts out, and how deep were the wounds (these are all correlated by the way)). It's also depend on how long has passed since his time of injury (time does heal emotion wounds to certain level). And yes, once it's gone, it is gone.

You are running against time now. If you really want to be with him, I suggest you act quickly and approach him directly and honestly. Hopefully you catch him just before he ready to bury the last pieces of feelings he had for you because once he's done that, it's nearly impossible to go back. We can't tell you whether it's too late or not. Only he can. Just be prepare for the worst answer (so you get to be on cloud 9 if you get the best and still remain steady on your feet if you get the worst the worst won't happen to you).

It's possible, but extremely difficult to fall in love again with someone who rejected you once you accepted the rejection to move on. It's just very hard because initially when you first rejected him, he still loves you and still beleives that giving time you'd accept him so he remains by your side in hope for a miracle. He waited, and tried, and waited, and tried,...until he reach a point where he has to walk and once he does, asking him to go back to you is like asking him to risk going through the same emotions again. It's too scary a dare for any man to take. Now, from the time he physcially decreases amount of time spend with you till the point of no return, you still have some chance to change it.

Men's worst fear is rejection. Emotion is their weakest point so rejection cuts them most deeply. Some men cripple for a very long time afterward and it changes them forever. There are not much we women can do about it, by the way, the most we can do is trying to be good people ourselves in that if we don't love them, we tell them the truth honestly, without attacking them. It would hurt less that way.

I learned that the hard way. Once there were a man who loved me dearly and asked me to be with him. I said no. He convinced me and somehow succeed in getting me to say yes but I didn't feel that way. Eventually I avoided him till he get the message and he walked with a wound so deep that it broke my heart to see how hurt he was. He told me I was the love of his life and that he'll wait for me forever. A year later, I came back and it's was over for him. One of the last things I said to me was "I was really in love with you and it hurts me in a way you can't imaging. It's not that I don't love you anymore. I think on some level, I still do. But asking me to go back to you is like ...asking me to risk going through the last year of hell that I did again. I am sorry, but I can't.".

I don't regret though. I still reject people if I don't love them. I just learn to be more careful with what I do or say. That experience was painful but I believe pains are there for a reason. They teach you to be stronger, and better human being.

Again, best luck to you. Keep us update if you could

Gosh, all my life where have you been??

HS: I've been around . The question is "where have you been looking??"

thanks for sharing ur personal story, MDNQ I think many people can relate to the story n Thank you for taking the time to help me understand the how complicated love can get Your answers r just so deep,and genuinely down-to earth
But, boy, like your story, it has beeen a year now and maybe H has finally walked just like ur guy did mabye T should move on tooo?
Regardless,
does T really have to say it out? can T just show the person instead ò having to say it out?? so just in case H doesnt feel the same anymore, T didnt have to feel too embarass? T never confesses the feeling to anyone so its sucha a hard thing to do !!

Anh Seagul,
hình như anh bị lạc đường rồi thì phải, chỗ này của "bạn gái tâm tình" muh anh

thôi nín đi anh Seagul, để em đi mua vài hộp giấy cho anh lau mặt

At this point, the best way to send a message is to say it exactly how you feel. I know it's easier said than done. If you don't take risk, you will forever wonder "what if I had told him..."